Sunday, February 25, 2007 @9:48 PM
I'm at a point in my life where there's been many changes and I'm still trying very hard adjusting.
And maybe I'm happy but than again maybe I’m not. I don't know.
But changes are somewhat good, I guess. I'm embracing them.
I have been waiting and hoping that what I have been wishing for will come true and it hasn't. Therefore now I stand and wonder if I should carry on waiting or I should simply move on.
I choose to believe that God will bless me with the happiness in life. He know my needs better than I know myself. And cause' He knows that people fall in love, but they choose to stay in love; and He knows that feelings can come and go, but it's the commitment that will keep two people going in the love marathon. It's such sweet liberty, isn't it? Opening my eyes to all these, so much, and it has been a revelation.
Sometimes I just wish for her to fight a little more, put in a little more effort, just to make things work and make me feel genuinely loved. Sometimes I just wish for her to choose me, fight for me, love me. Maybe she had me there only when she wanted and needed me, and now she has decided to give up, forsake me, and break whatever promises we once made in our hearts.
So, the relationship has promises which we made on our own accord and it’s sad that we can't follow through. I don't wanna think I suck at relationships, just cause' of people's doing unto me. But in all ways I can't describe it, it sometimes feels as if I really suck at it, even though I know it's not true.
I Love You, and I only wish for you to be singing it to me. The truth is, you are supposed to sing it to me, maybe not the same words, maybe not the same melody, but still, with all the same heart and emotion I could ever possibly imagine. I wanna be able to write a love story with God and that special someone using my entire lifetime.
And you know, I don't wanna be a bedtime story that flew outta your window, outta your life. I still wanna be the one you promised you'd be true to, the one you sing about. I didn't get into this only to get outta it. You said you love me, and maybe you shouldn't have, when you know not gonna stay here with me. Love is here to stay, and I know i don't have anything but love and a true heart to give to you. And loving me is simply just to stay here with me. What’s the point of loving when you can't stay? What cuts the deepest isn't now that you're gone, but of those things we have ever said and promised, and now, we can't even fulfill any of them.
I used to be concretely firm and strong on my stand; I used to not give up without a fight in what I believe in. I used to not letting chances slip away like this. I won't admit defeat. But sadly, the battle has already ended. For now, I still trust my instincts, but it's you that's draining me dry, the bleaks of grey skies and scary feelings that comes haunting me. I couldn't stay strong forever, or can I? Sometimes it's sad to know that it's your heart that you can't trust. That deceitful heart.
Well, so this is it, back at where I started. And this is where lovers become strangers, and when love couldn't be more real in its very sense. Not being in a relationship is only a technicality, but it doesn't change the fact that
I still love
and miss you,
and........
I still care about you.
Because, really, it's true....
".....So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope....."